music :: worship :: life
Chrysalis was wonderful. Some of the events are a little different from Emmaus. And some of the special chapel services may be even more powerful than their Emmaus counterparts.
The kids on my team did a great job, and all the caterpillars seemed to get a lot out of it.
I’ve grown increasingly suspicious of ministry activities that seem to benefit those doing the ministry more than those they are ministering to. Emmaus has often been afflicted with this. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people say, “I need to work another Emmaus Walk. I need a spiritual boost.” I confess to doing this myself in the past. But that’s completely backwards. And I think it is the source of most of the trouble that has plagued the Emmaus community over the years. The sad fact is that many of our churches are not feeding their congregations. Some leave, looking for better churches; others give up on the church altogether. But many stay, as I did for years, and are forced to search elsewhere for their spiritual food. So I know what it’s like to devote major resources in time and money to find ways outside the church to get spiritually filled, and then bring it back to church, only to be sucked dry in no time flat. I spent years like that, so I sympathize with those who are stuck in that position. I thank God I’m no longer at a prodigal church, but there are many who for various reasons are stuck where they are, often due to family, or commitments. So there is no condemnation. It’s a shame, that’s all.
There is always a secondary gain, though, and I did benefit from the Chrysalis this weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was relaxing and fun, but it wasn’t any big “spiritual boost.” As far as what new revelation I carried away from it, when somebody asked, I said “I think I’ve finally overcome my compulsive need to know what the hell I’m doing. I was totally clueless all weekend and it went great!” That’s freedom. It felt wonderful.
So does that mean that cluelessness is the key to freedom?
The dentist visit terrified me much more than my visit to the cancer doctor did. Last week all he did was give me antibiotics. That brought the swelling down so I was able to work the Chrysalis. Yesterday he started giving me shots. I lost count after 16. Then he brought out a little white table and lined up a row of shiny pointy things on it. He got out a tray of router bits and left that beside them, then left the room. He was gone for about 20 minutes while the shots had their effect. The only thing for me to do is try not to stare at these devices he is evidently planning to use in my mouth. Meanwhile my whole face is going numb, including my eyelids. I have never had my eyelids go numb. I’ve never even heard of that! By the time he came back, my swallowing muscle was numb and wouldn’t work, and I was drooling, and I suspected I was having heart palpitations. Did I read somewhere that the numbing medicine causes heart attacks? It felt like I was having one. Altogether I spent two hours in the chair. Most of that time with two people having both hands and several pieces of equipment in my mouth at once. Then I slept for 12 hours recuperating. It was horrible. I could only eat soup and smoothies. My jaw was so sore, it was 24 hours before I could open my mouth wide enough to eat real food.
He asked why I hadn’t come in to the dentist for nearly 7 years. Duh!!
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